Still in the age of the Pre-Apocalypse

Its been four months since 2012 ended.

I'm not going to lie. I'm a little upset about the apocalypse. 

I have been preparing for the apocalypse for a while now. I have been taking stock of all my friends skills and thus will be able to survive without having any skills of my own. I am a networker and a scavenger. I was facebook before facebook existed. You need to know someone who plays tuba? I know a guy. You need a hot tub? I know a person. You need a semi automatic weapon that can take down zombies of the ferocious kind? give me a day or two.

I have read countless juvenile fiction books on the apocalypse -many of them terrible--to be better prepared. I have watched all the shows. Even ones you havent heard of. I have studied the wikipedia apocalypse page to determine my survival strategies in each of the 12 commonly identified apocalypse scenarios.

I have figured out weather Costco, Walmart, or REI is the best place to wait out a zombie invasion.

I even learned to spell apocalypse correctly.

ALL FOR NAUGHT.

There are no zombies, there are no asteroids, and we still have electricity. Our lives are still awesome.

This sucks.

I'm not going to lie. Its a little disappointing. and I know how absolutely ridiculous it is.

Sudden Clarity Idiot

ITS CALLED A MOTHER YOU MORON.

Throes of Even More Clothes

I felt successful until someone said it didn't count unless you put it away...

-lets just take a moment to appreciate that I will be wearing clean clothes, but haters gotta hate.

...so I shoved the clothes in some drawers.

Even more of a productive day. 

Throes of Clothes

In typical fashion, or rather non fashion, I have no clothes ie they are all dirty. My drawers are empty. My hamper is full, my floor is fuller. Its down to the point where you wear bikini bottoms for underwear and start wondering if the fat clothes that weren't donated maybe can be salvaged....

Hark! The closet that holds the jackets! Not just jackets. I am wearing a button down plaid shirt with pearlized buttons. I look like a cowboy. A very nice clean cowboy. all is right in the world. My dignity lives another day.

***After wearing this shirt for...several days, one of my friends commented it had small holes in the back. Just failurized that success. Should have gone with the fat clothes.

AcciDENTAL.

As anyone who reads my blog knows, dental health is very important to me.

Except I did.

I accidentally threw up in my best friend's sink.

It was utterly horrific for the both of us...at least it wasn't my sink.

The things I do for hygiene--that probably didn't help

Back to the Basics!

I have failed my loyal blog reader(s). 

This new year brings the resolution that I will return this blog to its formal glory of dental reports, zombie survival plans, dyslexic challenges, and the dramatics that make up the life of a single sarcastic 25 year old who is perhaps just and only absurd. 

New (same as every) Year Resolutions: 

• Keep a budget
• Loose weight
• Drink less (fancy) coffee

New Resolution for this year:

• WRITE ALL THE THINGS!

Shut Up Already

And people wonder why the English speaking world and I are/am having problems with grammar?

THERE ARE TWO MANY OPTIONS.

or is it TOO?