Life and Trying Times

In Alaska there are many many ways to entertain yourself on the FML (Fish Money Line). Decide how to spend every second of your 900 second break, listening to the love lives of teenagers, or yelling at someone less competent than yourself. My favorite entertainment was telling stories about my dyslexic brother. and all the dyslexic jokes he doesn't get. Because the only thing better than a dyslexic joke, is a dyslexic joke a dyslexic kid doesnt get.

• A man walks into a bra.
• DNA stands for National Dyslexic Association
• Did you hear about the dyslexic satan worshipper? He sold his soul to santa. 

Dyslexia is not funny, its hilarious. 

Or at least it is in the middle of a 16 hour shift at 4am working off of 5 hours of sleep.

Summer Fail.

Enough said.

YOLO?  i chose to spent my summer in alaska and/or unemployed and living at my parents house.

AND i gained weight!

Why am i allowed to plan my own life?

gaaaah!

Fear Change?

HEY! Whoa there. What does this even mean?!

...I pick up pennies and change all the time.

I don't know what is worse, the fact that I don't know what stereotype they are talking about or that I am fullfilling some unknown stereotype. I'm just a person who likes picking up pennies!

Socially awkward penquin? Destitute penguin.

Childcare Catastrophe

I was babysitting, making pasta for lunch, when I heard the screams of the four year old and then the sound of liquid hitting the floor...

two year old sister + kegger fridge = free flowing tap of biblical proportions.

RAIN DOWN liquid fermented grains! Down upon this dry and thirsty linoleum!
Make the babysitter clean it up!! since forcing children to clean up alcohol seems wrong somehow...

towels, towels soaking up beer everywhere.

Internet Wins

For three whole weeks

I miss the Olympics. This was so satisfying. I could google "medal count" and the answer with visual graphics would be there. I could even google "metal count" and still get answers. Along with any sport, a description of it and the results along with Olympic record and world record.

I felt so succesful. My googly skills were up to par.

aaaaand it was an illusion.

Russian to Appologize

Российские друзья,

Я вас обманули, я обещал, что если вы читали мой блог, я бы прийти вверх с должности только для вас. Я не вам в течение трех месяцев. Даже несмотря на то, что единственное, что я знал о России огорчены: Анна Каренина, Наполеона, уничтожив зимы, рулетка, Сибирь и пока я не послал маяком надежды в литерал темно и замороженные мир.

Я был на Аляске, (это было частью проблемы), и хотя я возможно не смог увидеть вашу страну от моей скромной обители, я думал о вас каждый раз в некоторое время. Я надеюсь, вам будет делать то же самое и думать о мне и возможно даже читать мой блог.

Я постараюсь сделать лучше, и быть менее погружена в себя, в отличие от этих русской матрешки.

Sleep Sober

This is not a problem.

The one thing working in an alaskan cannery will teach you is the art of sleeping all day and all night, and then all day again.

Babysitting

Today, I was traumatized by the dramatics of a year old infant child. My day would have been so much better had one of us taken a stand:

But instead that little piggy screamed wii wii weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!^5million until his mother came home.

Not sure, who could have used a drink more, my fried psyche or that lil monster. Either way, one of us would have been happier. 

Bad Brain!

I was in bed, about to drift off:

I FORGOT TO GO OVER TO MY UNCLE'S. 

I even called him and I told him that I was coming over that morning.

NOOOOOOOO. its 2am. I cant exactly call and apologize! Guilt torments me. Then of course I remember all the other things I didn't get done, and how if my word was my bond...i just broke bail and forfeited like a million bucks. [but if my bail was 1 Mil, then I have worse problems] 

The worst part is realizing I am the living reality of a meme as it is happening and stuck in bed, with nothing else to do except follow through and dwell on the horrible future I've created for myself as a word breaker. 

Idiot brain! why can't you remind me of stuff on TIME!

Why Me?

And then I threw up so I pretty much knew, it was not an issue of being hungry. In fact I was so light sensitive and in such mental angony--a Pepsi Slurpee/Hawaiian Style Kettle Chip combo tastes like frankenstine mixed with dracula. Nasty Nasty--how could I do that to myself?? My poor body. I knew of only one way to solve this problem.

Watch Serenity in the bathtub while wearing sunglasses in the dark.

It worked.

Sort of.

Now I'm in renewed anguish of Firefly being canceled.

gaaaaaaah.

To Each His Own

In Alaska this was the problem:

Seriously, Trying to find a bar after getting off work at 7am was super difficult (ie not possible). Especially when there are only 3 bars in town. All I wanted was a Bloody Freakin Mary. They should not even count as alcohol, it's tomatoes and spicy stuff. Way too healthy and nutrient rich.  Had to wait until 10:30am which was a serious travesty.

Now this is the problem:

Each world has its own problems and must deal with them the best they can.

--On the upside I was able to overcome gluttony with sloth.

WHAAAAAAT?

How did I not KNOW this? Is it even actually true??? Must verify....

Wikipedia says nay: marionette + puppet.

and when it comes to which is right we obviously all know that Wikipedia is...unreliable.